Our friends, Matt and Mesha, originally built up Redaction for an undergraduate research project. The fact that it’s taken on a life of its own proves that a good idea lasts long after its creators leave. For those folks in Asheville, the Redaction group meets on Fridays in the UNCA Writing Center. We welcome serious writers who want to have a little fun by editing their existing pieces or writing from prompts like these. Hope y’all enjoy!
Prompt: Write advice for a person driving drunk
If you begin vomiting out the window, be sure to wait until you’ve rolled it all the way down. Any window you need to crank will be the death of your upholstery; even while sober it’s impossible to turn a window crank. Puking on passing cars might sound fun, but once again it’s more appropriate to wait until the cop has already passed you on the left. If you splatter his windshield and he swerves into a tree, turn around and make sure that he’s dead (by any means necessary) before continuing to the safety of your couch. However, if he manages to subdue your drunken attempts at manslaughter, claim that you have mad cow disease and were especially affected since your family of rednecks has a long history of bestiality (which means your genetic code is terrifyingly similar to that of a bovine). In the jail cell, do not weep. Tears are a weakness you can’t afford. Your cellmates will probably moo at you when they hear the story.
Prompt: Write a made-up wikipedia entry for the person to your left
[In this case I wrote for my friend Reid]
Created in an undisclosed location in the late 1940′s, Reid D—- was one of the first trial children successfully frozen by the government and resuscitated forty years later along with his twin sister, Katy Perry. While secret agents in the CIA covertly trained Katy Perry to be one of their singer/assassins, a loving family raised Reid D—- in their suburban home. During his childhood, the CIA used subliminal techniques to train Reid D—- in the art of zero-gravity kung fu. Reid still believes himself to be a burgeoning young poet, but his true mission has always been to infiltrate groups of literate malcontents and dismember them one by one, all the while believing in his mind that he’s performing innocuous writing exercises among friends.
Prompt: Write a roommate ad for an animal
Looking For Teeth
We’re looking to share a room with a creature of the carnivorous persuasion. Room has ample space, luxurious carpeting, ceiling fan.
The ideal carnivore would be fit enough to outrun larger or more numerous predators like hyenas and lions, and be willing to share the carcass of a freshly killed zebra or oxen (we do group hunting on Saturdays!). We prefer candidates with stripes, although spots are fine
No wolves! Sorry!
Retractable claws a plus (we don’t want to lose our deposits because you scratched up the carpet!) Also, if your species has a loud mating call then please don’t apply!
If you’d like to meet us we’ll be happy to show you around this week.